Domestic Violence can happen to anyone
What is Domestic Violence?
According to NYCourts.gov, domestic violence is “a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship”. Intimate relationships do not just mean married couples. It also includes family (both by blood and by marriage), household members, married or divorced couples, individuals who share a child (both by adoption and by birth), people who have lived (or live) together for a period of time, and those who are (or formerly were) dating.
So, it's not just couples?
Domestic violence does not only affect couples. Any intimate relationship can experience domestic violence. This includes, yet is not limited to, romantic partners (spouses, dating partners), family, ex-partners, and anyone with whom a person has a close relationship. Anyone, anywhere can experience or engage in domestic violence.
Who can experience domestic violence?
No matter your race, gender, age, sexual orientation, religion, background, income, or education, you can experience domestic violence. This type of violence can occur to anyone, even in same-sex and opposite-sex relationships. ​
Who does it impact?
Domestic violence impacts more than just the victim. Family, friends, witnesses, coworkers, and the community are all impacted by the effects of domestic violence. Children tend to be the ones who are most impacted by this, leading to the normalization of violence (which can lead to the engagement of the same violence later in life), as well as the development of physical and social issues.
Is it always physical?
No. Domestic violence can happen in more ways than just physical violence. It can also be sexual (forcing sex after physical violence), emotional (humiliation and isolation), economic (restricting access to finances and controlling purchases), psychological (threats, property damage, or constant monitoring), coercion (persuasion by force or threats), or even technological (sharing private photos or controlling social media presence).
What is the "cycle of violence"?
Many times, those who face domestic abuse experience what is known as the "cycle of violence". There are 3 phases: tension-building, explosion, and honeymoon. The tension-building phase is often when conflicts seem to increase in appearance. One individual may be critical or short-tempered, while the other may attempt to avoid or fix the situation. Usually, even small issues increase the amount of tension, and one can feel as if they are "walking on eggshells" to not upset the other. Following that is the explosion/acute phase of the cycle, where one partner has a sudden and intense outburst of violent behavior. This "explosion" can be physical, but not always. It could include throwing items, physical harm, or using threats. During this time, the other individual may feel numb, fearful, and/or powerless. After this explosion, the violent individual may attempt to "fix" the damage in the honeymoon phase. They may show remorse, apologize, and even promise to change. They may offer gifts, extra care, and the promise that it won't happen again, attempting to move past the situation and go back to "normal". Unfortunately, in the cycle, this phase is temporary and will eventually circle back to the tension-building phase, but may slowly become worse and worse in the level of violence. This creates a harder cycle to break and can eventually eliminate the "honeymoon" phase completely.
Is there a cause?
While there is no singular cause of domestic violence, there are some triggers and patterns of this behavior that can be rooted in power and control. Stress and frustration, caused by finances, work, health, or other external problems (family issues, legal problems, etc.), can act as triggers for violent outbursts, which some people may believe are coping mechanisms or attempt to use as coping mechanisms. Substance use and abuse, which cause impaired judgment and lower inhibitions, can also lead to violent tendencies. Childhood trauma or abuse can lead to an increased likelihood that they will turn to abuse in adult relationships, since they may be under the impression that violence is normalized. Feelings of entitlement or jealousy, especially when it comes to control of their partner, can trigger demanding behavior such as manipulation and coercion to get their partner to comply. And even simply an escalation of conflict in the relationship, whether minor disagreements or more significant disputes, can lead to violent or abusive behavior if one partner feels as if they must maintain control or win the argument. No matter the cause, domestic violence is never acceptable to inflict on someone.