If you know someone who is in an abusive relationship, it can be hard to know what to do
When someone is in an abusive relationship, it can be hard to know what to say. Emotions are high, and not everyone knows they are facing abuse.
One of the first and most important steps when it comes to helping a friend in an abusive relationship is starting the conversation. It may be uncomfortable, and that's okay. You also need to remember that the decision that they make must be their own. You can only be supportive and helpful.
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The first thing to remember is not to talk down on the abuser, no matter what you think or how concerned you are. Saying negative things, such as "How can you stay with them?" or "Why don't you leave?" can make them shut down quickly. Instead, focus on your friend. They need to know you are there to support them and that you care. An example found on Cora.org states, "No relationship is perfect, and I know you love them. But I’ve noticed they don’t always treat you well, and I’m concerned about you." This shows that you understand that they care about their partner while also showing your concern for them. Showing concern is important in this situation. Other phrases, such as "I'm always here for you if you ever need to talk" or "I want to make sure you're okay and remind you that I'm here," can also be good to add, letting them know they have someone to turn to and allowing them to feel less alone in a difficult time.
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​If your friend does reach out and talk to you about the situation, you need to help them understand that what happened is not their fault. "No matter what you did, you do not deserve this," and "It’s not your fault they treat you this way" can be good ways to remind them of that, while not bad-mouthing their abuser. Also, remember to be accepting. The situation may not improve right away, and your friend may want to stay in the relationship. Just because they do does not mean you should judge or criticize their decision. Lastly, if they do show concern or admit they want to get out, try and give them some resources they can use when they're ready. Whether it be a website, a hotline, or even a shelter they can go to, having options available saves them time and allows for a way out. Doing these things can help them understand that there are people who care and can help them when they choose to leave, and that they have a friend by their side who cares.
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Information gathered from CoraSupport.com
Sexual assault is a difficult, traumatizing event that isn't always easy to talk about
According to NSVRC, 81% of women and almost 50% of men nationwide have reported some sort of sexual assault and/or harassment in their lifetime. RAINN states that 1 in 5 women and 1 in 10 men in the U.S. have experienced attempted or complete rape. Those numbers are too high, and there are many people (especially men) who do not report that they were raped.
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Sexual assault is an extremely heavy burden to bear when it happens. Feelings of guilt, helplessness, and shame may be present after, which may result in many not speaking up or reporting what happened. If you know someone who has gone through this, there is a way to help.
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First, it needs to be understood that it is NOT their fault. There was nothing that they did or didn't do that caused them to be a victim, and they should not blame themself. For some, it may be reassuring to hear that. For others, not so much. If you find that the person you know blames themself even after you try to tell them it's not, it may be a way for them to feel control over the situation. Do not force them to think that if they do not want to; just letting them know can help them further down the road.
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If the person confides in you and tells you their story, listen. It may be hard for you to hear or upsetting, but it is worse for them, and they need to know you are really listening without interruptions. Sit with them, listen to them, and believe what they say. Fear of invalidation and not being believed is one of the biggest reasons victims do not come forward when something like this happens. Remind them that they are not alone and understand how hard it may have been to tell you about what they went through. If they speak up long after it happened, do not ask why they didn't speak up, do not judge them, and do not talk about it with others.
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​If you are able, encourage them to get help. Offer to go with or drive them to the nearest hospital, Planned Parenthood, or medical center (if they are comfortable) for medical attention. What happened can take a serious toll on the body and can help them later if they want to take legal action. You can also recommend that they talk to someone about it, such as a support group or a therapist. Remember that it is their decision, so do not pressure them into something they are not comfortable with or ready for. Be patient and respect their boundaries.
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Information gathered from PlannedParenthood.org and RapeCrisis.org
Want to Donate?
Monetary and physical donations are always appreciated at shelters and centers that help those who have faced violence and abuse. Below are local and national sites where you can provide help to those in need. Whether it's money, clothing, or anything else, you are helping to change a life.
HAVIN (Helping All Vicims In Need) accepts monetary donations of any amount to support their 24 hour hotline for those in need.
WRC helps all genders, races, and sexualities find safety and support. Linked above is the page for monetary donations, as well as other ways to help with their mission
Centre Safe helps those located in the State College area. Linked is a list of physical items needed, and other ways to help can be found on the same page, ranging from donations to volunteering.
The page linked allows for donations, volunteering, advocacy, and a place to share your story to help others in need in Pennsylvania.
DomesticShelters.org allows you to locate domestic violence shelters nation wide, and allows you to "purchase" items on their wishlist through the site.
A site that focuses on male abuse, which allows donations online, mail-in, and even crypto, that helps men heal and allows for their services to grow